Picking up from last week with another snippet from one of the books in The Academy of the Accord series. (The series is still a work in progress and so is this scene.)
A few notes first because regardless of where this scene ends up it’s dropping you into the middle of a book in the middle of a series.
The Academy of the Accord is a school that trains both wizards and warriors.
Wellhym (and Kordelm) are in charge of the first year cadets and are the seconds in command of the school’s garrison.
Jorsen is a first year cadet – roughly 10 years old. He is… sort of a laughing stock, picked on by kids that are more coordinated.
Marsden is the commander of the garrison. Vinadi is the headmaster of the school.
A Warder is a warrior with an instinct to protect wizards. (And I need to find a different word for “Warder” because it’s kind of hard to pronounce.)
The usual rough draft and creative sentence structure warnings apply.
We pick up from last week — Wellhym has just told Jorsen that he couldn’t hear what the other cadets said to him, but he has a pretty good idea what it was.
“They’re right,” Jorsen burst out, his voice choked. “I don’t belong here. I should just go back home and…”
The quiet authority in Wellhym’s voice silenced him.
“You’re a Warder, Jorsen, we need you. The wizards need you.”
“No. I’m no good and I never will be. I’m awkward and clumsy and trip over my own feet and I’m more of a danger to myself than any enemy ever could be.”
The boy was shaking and Wellhym resisted the urge to reach for him, knowing that was not what he needed. Instead, he held the boy’s gaze with his own.
“Maybe you are,” he agreed. “Now. But you’ll grow into yourself and you will be a force to be reckoned with. Do you know how I know?”
Jorsen shook his head, struggling to calm his breathing.
“I know, because the day all of you arrived, we – the school leaders – had a meeting to discuss the new recruits, and it was decided that, yes, you did look like you were apt to trip, fall on your sword, and do yourself in. But it was also decided that you were a lot like me at that age – awkward, not sure how to use your body, and, as you said, more of a danger to yourself than anyone else.”
(I’m really unsure of that last line. I don’t know if it should read the way it does or if it it should be “not sure how to use my body, and, as you said, more of a danger to myself than anyone else.”)
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27 responses to “Sunday Snippet March 15, 2015”
Oh wow, can’t wait for the reply. Sometimes words are more powerful than actions. Well done!
Thanks, Iris! I’m glad you liked it.
Awww, i love “uncoordinated duckling” stories.
Looking forward to watching Jorsen come into his own!
Thanks, Charley. It takes him a few years (and books) but he turns into a pretty scary fighter.
Don’t fall over. I’m commenting a second week in a row. :)
Lovely snippet. It flows well, the meaning is clear, and it’s something that makes the reader excited. Really well done!
Thanks, Ana! Glad the scene works.
Wow, the “I was like you before” part always scores so many points! I’m not sure he’ll be convinced but he’ll sure think about it for a while.
Thanks, Linda. The captains (Wellhym and Kordelm) will never lie to the cadets — and the cadets know this and trust them. (Honesty is part of the Warriors’ Codes.)
I knew Wellhym knew how to fix this! :)
I’m now calling dibs on all your stories, Paula. :D
I like the last sentence when Wellhym refers to himself. But (and please forgive the fiddling) I’m wondering how it would read if the first pronoun was dropped:
“But it was also decided that you were a lot like me at that age – awkward, unsure how to move , and, as you said, more of a danger to myself than anyone else.”
Are you sure you want dibs on all of these, Sarah? There are 12 books in the series — unless I do something different with the middle ones that I’m working on now.
And fiddle all you want with that sentence — I’ve erased and rewritten it so many times that I’ve worn a hole in the Word doc there.
Not all at once, maybe, but yes! :)
Just don’t use white-out on your docs—It causes more problems than it fixes. ;)
I like it the way Sarah suggested or the way you have it. You’re doing such a beautiful job with this scene. I can picture the boy, and I love the compassion from the man.
Thanks, Elaine. I love the characters in these books so much that it really makes me happy to see others enjoying them too.
I really like this snippet, P.T., but I would change the last line to instill encouragement: “awkward, not sure how to use your body, but with so much potential of strength and grace yet to be discovered.” Love the strength of both these characters. :)
Thanks, Siobhan. *adds to the potential ways to fix that #$^!@# sentence*
Great snippet. You always have me wanting more.
Thanks, glad you liked it.
great encouragement. I’m torn between Sara W & Siobhan’s suggestions
Thanks. And so am I. LOL
Love that he revealed how he once was awkward and unsure. Now look at him… What an encouraging talk. Can’t wait for his response.
I also like the way Sarah worded the sentence. :)
Thanks, Karen. There will be more next week.
I remember feeling that way when I was young. I’m sure he will grow into himself. Great scene.
Thanks, Jennifer. And he will — eventually.
Always love your snippets.
I think I like the last line as it is. The end of it makes me chuckle. Love both these characters, and this whole scene. :)
Thanks, Daelyn. Glad it gives you a chuckle. The whole mood sort of picks up in the next couple snippets.
Poignant scene. Maybe you could swap, “it was decided”, for, “it has been noted”?
Great scene! I’m really coming to like both these characters a lot. What a great story. :)