Sunday Snippet May 15, 2016

Picking up from last week’s snippet:

(Note: first round edits of this book are still in progress.  As Charley says, “Squint.”)

 

“Yes, I… I’m all right, thanks to you.”

His breath caught as he got his first good look at her.  Her delicate face was a soft blue green color, covered with scales, not skin, and faintly iridescent.  Her wings were half-flared but they slowly relaxed and folded against her back as her breathing slowed.

“I’m Draethlen,” he said.  He knew he should turn to face Marsden, to accept his punishment, but he was unable to pull his gaze away from her golden eyes; their pupils were rapidly expanding and contracting, but the flaring gradually slowed as they locked eyes and he caught his breath, mesmerized.

“Senzu,” she said softly, staring at him.  He was small and thin, with dark brown eyes and an unruly shock of red hair and she wanted to reach out to him, wanted to feel his arms around her, and then the realization of what had almost happened to her began to sink in and she started to shake.

And then his arms were around her and she leaned into him trembling.  “Easy,” he said, his voice a soft murmur in her ear as he held her. “They’re gone.  You are safe.”

She nodded and clung to him and he gently stroked her hair — soft and nearly as golden as her eyes — and he felt her grow quiet and calm under his touch and a sense of awe washed over him.

 

 

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15 Comments

Filed under writing

15 responses to “Sunday Snippet May 15, 2016

  1. Nice writing, Paula. What an intriguing description of her!

  2. chellecordero

    a beautifully done and tender scene, pulled me right in

  3. Your talent for descriptions shines through again. Well done.

  4. Gem

    Oh she sounds exquisite. Great description of their meeting.

  5. Gorgeous descriptions! Loved the excerpt…

  6. siobhanmuir

    I like their reactions to each other, P.T. You do head hop here, though. The first two paragraphs are in his POV, the middle two in hers, and the last one in his again. You might consider choosing one POV and stick with it in this scene. 🙂

  7. elainecsc2013

    I adore your description of her.

  8. That’s so sweet. It’s really good that he found her. I’m sure he won’t be punished.

  9. Great descriptions. She sounds so exquisite.

  10. Such a sweet, tender scene. I really enjoyed it, but I do agree with Siobhan about the POV switches. I think you can effectively do it with just one, probably his.

  11. Lots of emotion here, starting with relief but expanding rapidly from there.

    Sorry for taking so long to get around to the snippets this week. Mea culpa.

  12. What an enjoyable scene. So sweet.

  13. A lovely scene. The hush of it is a perfect counterpoint to the chaos that preceded it. Nice!

  14. I never actually pictured Senzu that way, but I love the description of her. Beautifully done. Tender and touching. Each snippet makes me love these characters even more.

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