Sunday Snippet May 8, 2016

Picking up from last week’s snippet:

(Note: first round edits of this book are still in progress.  As Charley says, “Squint.”)

“Leave her alone!”

Even through the pounding of her fear Senzu heard the voice and then another boy was pushing his way through the gang, fighting his way through them to put himself between her and them and hope flared as a feeling of safety and protection enveloped her.

“You gonna make us, pipsqueak?”

“If I have to.”

They laughed and started forward again, then stopped as Draethlen drew his sword.  He was breathing hard, but the fear wasn’t for himself: it was for the girl he was protecting, for what would happen to her if he failed.  “I said leave her alone.”  

“You heard the boy.”

They scattered at the sound of Marsden’s voice and Draethlen sheathed his sword, trembling, certain that he would be in trouble for drawing it, afraid that he would be sent away, sent back to the orphanage.

But even stronger than his fear was the presence of the girl behind him and he turned to face her, his dark brown eyes filled with concern.  “Are you all right?” he asked, his voice tinged with anxiety.  



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20 responses to “Sunday Snippet May 8, 2016

  1. Yay! Marsden arrived in the nick of time. Draethlen has shown his strength of character in this snippet. You showed the action really well. Great work!

  2. I’m glad to see Marsden. You showed Draethlen’s care and ocncern for the girl very well.

  3. siobhanmuir

    Heroes often rise at great cost to themselves. Great snippet, P.T.

  4. I don’t think Marsden is going to punish him. He needs to be congratulated for protecting the girl instead.

  5. mikeakin1

    “Are you all right?” he asked, his voice tinged with anxiety. …..I love the descriptiveness of the voice. I did a snippet sometime ago about descriptions of the five senses. Good job!

  6. “He was breathing hard, but the fear wasn’t for himself: it was for the girl he was protecting, for what would happen to her if he failed.” Great insight into his character. Love it!

    • The thing is, Draethlen doesn’t yet know WHY he is doing what he’s doing or why he’s so concerned. He doesn’t know what he is — but he’s about to find out.

  7. Quite heroic…fun snippet.

  8. She’s a real maiden in distress and he’s a real hero.

  9. Great scene. I like Draethlen and especially that he’s more worried about her than himself. But I’m still happy that Marsden showed up in the nick of time.

  10. Oh, clap, clap, clap! Great scene!

  11. Great snippet! Was drawn right into the action.

  12. I love that he was willing to fight but didn’t have to. This scene plays to everything I love in a story. :-)

    • Warders protect wizards, but fighting is a last resort — their main goal is to prevent problems and keep it from getting to the point where they need to draw steel.

  13. THAT’S how they met Senzu?! Holy crap! I never saw that coming. I was holding my breath through this entire snippet in anticipation. I love it! Great job!

  14. I liked the way you show his care for the girl. Also liked “pipsqueak” :-)

  15. Good snippet. You’ve really captured that sense of foolhardy courage that all the best heroes and heroines have in spades.

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