Sunday Snippet September 13, 2015

More from Onyx Sun.  Taliya has arrived at her father’s house which is out in the country, well away from the city.


The grass needed cut, except for where there were bare spots, and the old fruit trees that grew behind the house needed pruned.   A wooden wishing well stood at the corner of the porch, a few flowers trying half-heartedly to bloom around it; and a few concrete lawn ornaments were visible among the untrimmed shrubbery around the porch.  It had been years since she had been here and it seemed as if it was yesterday: nothing had changed.

She knocked and when the door opened she stood face to face with her father for the first time in fifteen years.  Taulyn Swann was tall, lean, and in need of a shave, but there was no doubting their family resemblance; Taliya was looking at an older masculine version of herself.

“What did that door ever do to you?” he growled.  “You’re family, you don’t knock.”  He wrapped his arms around her, startling her: Maureena had never hugged her.  “I have missed you,” he murmured. “I love you, kiddo.”











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Filed under writing

10 responses to “Sunday Snippet September 13, 2015

  1. Oh wow, what a contrast to her mother’s ‘welcome’ … I like him already.

  2. chellecordero

    Sounds literally down to earth and old fashioned, a beautifully warm welcome.

  3. Karen Michelle Nutt

    What warm welcome. Seems like it could be a positive reunion.

  4. The description really helped me picture the home and I loved the reunion between father and daughter! Just a nit, I know you can use two past tense verbs in a sentence but my brain made “needed pruned” into needed pruning” and the same for “needed cut”. Maybe see what your editor thinks when you reach that point? Enjoyed the snippet!

  5. elainecsc2013

    This isn’t what I expected. Dad seems glad to see her.

  6. Wow. Way different than her mean mom.

  7. Quite a change from her interactions with mom. Your description of the house and property really sells the idea of a homecoming.

  8. Her parents couldn’t be more different. How did they ever get together in the first place?

  9. I love the response he has about the door. This scene makes me smile, again.

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