Sunday Snippet August 23, 2015

More from Onyx Sun, a science fiction novel that is about to get hit with some revisions, courtesy of beta reader suggestions.

Skipping over some conversation in which Belyn has tried (unsuccessfully) to be the voice of reason.  Belyn is speaking first and changing the subject.


“Have you called your father yet?”

“No, not yet.  That’s next on my agenda.  Or maybe I’ll wait until I’ve checked out the ships.”

“There are other dealers, you know; you don’t have to go with Vastyne Byrd.”

She tilted her head curiously.  “Is there something wrong with Vastyne Byrd?”

He shrugged.  “They’re no worse or better than any other dealer, I suppose.  There are rumors that they’re tied to the D’Rannen Syndicate but then there are rumors like that about most businesses, either to the D’Rannen Family or another.” He hesitated for a moment.  “Including the Swann family,” he added softly.







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Filed under writing

11 responses to “Sunday Snippet August 23, 2015

  1. Interesting snippet … and what I wanted to tell you from the very beginning is how amazed I am about the names you’ve come up with. Kudos!

  2. chellecordero

    It sounds like he is trying to warn her but is somehow unable to/ Interesting snippet

  3. I wonder what that means. It sounds a bit dangerous, but I guess no matter what she chooses it can’t be totally safe anyway.

  4. His hesitation and the way he speaks “The Swann family” in almost a whisper speaks volumes. Thanks for sharing!

  5. elainecsc2013

    I think if I were her I’d pay attention, especially about the Swann family. Good writing.

  6. Interesting snippet, not the least because it makes your world seem all the more real. Well done!

  7. Nice. You’ve accomplished a bit of world-building with this snippet, giving the reader an idea of how things get done on around there. The dialogue is smooth.

  8. Karen Michelle Nutt

    I’m curious about his subtle warning to her. Well done.

  9. Interesting snippet! I want to know more.

  10. Whoa, wait a minute here, what is he hinting at? And you just complained about MY cliffhanger! Details, P.T., details!

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