Sunday Snippet June 7, 2015

I was going to skip ahead a bit in this, but since I’ve discovered what a violent and bloodthirsty bunch you all are I figured I’d better let you know who was on the other side of Taliya’s door.

So, picking up from last week, Taliya has braced herself for further confrontation with her mother.

The usual creative punctuation warnings apply.

(For anyone coming into this for the first time, I’m posting a few excerpts from a science fiction novel-in-editing called The Onyx Sun.)  

 

The door inched open and one of the maids hesitantly stepped into the room, shielding herself with her linen cart.

“Emla,” Taliya’s voice was softer as relief swept over her, “I’m sorry I sounded so curt – I was expecting my mother.”

“We all feel like that about her, ” Emla said with a sympathetic smile as she slipped into the room and closed the door.   “We heard you are leaving?”

“News travels fast,” Taliya replied wryly. 

“Please.  If you leave, then there will be no one – no one who will help us, who will stand up to her.”  Taliya closed her eyes against the pain: she felt the same way with her grandmother gone.   “She is already cutting our wages…”

“I’m sorry, Emla, but I can’t stay here.  I can’t live with her rules, can not – will not – live a lie by trying to be what she wants me to be.” 

 

The first round of paper edits have been finished but I still need to make changes in the Word doc, and then decide if it gets another round of paper edits before it goes in search of beta readers.

 

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11 Comments

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11 responses to “Sunday Snippet June 7, 2015

  1. Damn, I had been hoping it would be her mother and she’d finally punch her.
    (No I am not one of the above aforementioned violent ones of the group, why do you ask? LOL!)

    Love that last line!

  2. *puts some distance between myself and the violent and bloodthirsty bunch* … LOL …
    interesting snippet. I wonder whether she will stay after all, because she has the choice to leave, but also the choice to help others who dislike her mother as well and suffer under her.

  3. Taliya needs to win big and hire all her mother’s servants out from under her–or find places for them.

    Her mother is a real piece of work . . . 😛

  4. I can see that but she also needs to stand up for what’s right. Wouldn’t her grandmother want that of her?

  5. So… will Taliya stay against her desires to help the rest of the innocent servants of her mother’s home, or will she leave to find her beloved, knowing she could have helped friends, people her lover would have wanted to protect if she could have….

    I think she’s more noble than that. But I also think it’s going to be hard on her to get to this point…

  6. elainecsc2013

    The character of both women is revealed a little more with each excerpt. Good writing.

  7. Hmmm. She’s got a tough decision to make– but what you’ve revealed of her character so far tells me that she’s got the guts to make it.

  8. You are painting the full picture of the unpleasant mother, for sure! Will be interesting to see what happens next, great snippet.

  9. chellecordero

    Save herself or save the others – heck of a decision she has to make. i don’t envy her. You really built a terrific conflict anf left us wanting to know what she will choose to do and how.

  10. Yeah, that’s about right. And if they want something they should stand up for themselves too and not put it on her. I can’t wait for her to be out of here.

  11. Karen Michelle Nutt

    She sounds like she’s strong enough to walk away. And thanks for letting us know who was on the other side of the door. 🙂

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