Sunday Snippet May 31, 2015

Posting a few excerpts from a rough draft of a science fiction novel called The Onyx Sun. I’ve been ignoring it for a while, but since I don’t hate it anymore I’m starting editing it this month.

Keep in mind this is a very rough draft of something that I hadn’t even looked at for several months.  Also, the snippet has has probably been a victim of creative editing.


Taliya Swann has been away from home negotiating a mining contract on another planet.  When she called to advise her mother (head of House/Company) that they had a contract, Maureena informed her that her grandmother had died the day before.  All that was left to look forward to was being reunited with her lover, Luzita.

Returning home, she found out that her grandmother’s funeral had been held the day she died, and that Maureena had sold her lover to an off world slaver that same day.

Having had it out with her mother, Taliya has gone to her room to pack.


Alone in her room – a room which should also contain Luzita but which had been stripped bare of any sign of her – Taliya nearly lost her struggle.  She would, she knew, break sooner or later, but for now she had to stay focused. 

It didn’t take long to pack and as she closed the suitcase she took a final look around her room.  She was leaving most of her things behind: she doubted that she would have much use for fancy dresses where she was going.

She stopped suddenly and sat down on her bed.  Where was she going?  She shook her head: it didn’t matter where, as long as it wasn’t here.  Resolutely she rose and made a final check of her suite.  Nothing of Luzita’s remained: no doubt Maureena had taken everything and sold her belongings to “recoup her losses,” and Taliya added that to an ever growing list of wrongs.

As she reached down to pick up her suitcase there was a knock on her door and she turned, bracing herself for another round with her mother.

“Come in.”





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Filed under writing

13 responses to “Sunday Snippet May 31, 2015

  1. Oh, you tease! You can’t stop there. Can’t wait to find out who’s in front of the door, I doubt the mother would make the effort, she’d rather have the daughter sent to her …. also liked the emotions. Nowhere to go. Great snippet, Paula!

  2. chellecordero

    So WHO is knocking at the door? You’ve left me very curious. Her emotions are very intense and tugs at our hearts, well done, but I can’t help wondering if her going away is just what her mother wants and will she let her “win”. Great snippet.

  3. I wonder if it’s the mother knocking at the door. Taliya definitely sounds like she is going to break any second now. I hope the bitch stays away.

  4. ha! You should have issued a “cliffhanger alert”. :-) Wonder where’s going… to try to find Luzita? Good snippet, PT. :-)

  5. You know how to describe emotions which is priceless for an author. And I am one of those who feel quite excited at cliffhangers so this is one of my favourite snippets this week :)

  6. Paula! Unfair!! :)

    I can’t imagine her mother is on the other side of that door. First, I doubt she’d knock, and second, I have the sense that Maureena would never run after anyone—she would expect Taliya to come to her, probably asking for forgiveness.

    I am worried that it’s someone coming to inform Taliya that if she leaves, she’ll be cut off from the family fortune . . .

  7. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Oh no what else could go wrong. Of course you tease us with who is knocking at the door. :)

  8. Rough situation she’s in and I can only imagine who’s at the door! Terrific snippet.

  9. elainecsc2013

    With a mother like hers, I’d suggest she run, not do round two.

  10. Ah dangit, P.T.! You and your cliffhangers! I want to know who’s at the door. If it’s her mother, she better punch her this time. ;) Great snippet though, I love the part about not knowing where to go, and that she knew she’d break down sooner or later.

  11. Poor Luzita. I want her to get her back already.

  12. I don’t think it’s her mother behind that door. Maureena doesn’t strike me as the knocking type; she “owns” the place she inhabits, not just financially.

    Taliya is kind of going off half-cocked though, so it’s good something is going to slow her down for a second. I do hope she doesn’t have another person to fight though….

  13. Nice bit of reflective quiet between storms. Ready now for what comes next!

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