Sunday Snippet May 24, 2015

Posting a few excerpts from a rough draft of a science fiction novel called The Onyx Sun. I’ve been ignoring it for a while, but since I don’t hate it anymore I’m starting editing it this month.

Keep in mind this is a very rough draft of something that I hadn’t even looked at for several months.  Also, the snippet has has probably been a victim of creative editing.


Taliya Swann has been away from home negotiating a mining contract on another planet.  When she called to advise her mother (head of House/Company) that they had a contract, Maureena informed her that her grandmother had died the day before.  All that was left to look forward to was being reunited with her lover, Luzita.

Returning home, she found out that her grandmother’s funeral had been held the day she died.  Shortly after that she learned that Maureena had sold her lover to an off world slaver the day that Taliya’s grandmother died.


“You bitch!  You uncaring bitch!”  Taliya pushed past her, heading toward the staircase that led to the living quarters.

“Where are you going?”

“My room. I’m packing and then I’m leaving to find Luzita.”

“You won’t find her.  The merchant fleet left yesterday.”

“The station will have records.  I will find her.  I don’t care if it takes the rest of my life, I will find her.”

“If you leave, do not return.”

“What makes you think I would want to?”





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Filed under writing

10 responses to “Sunday Snippet May 24, 2015

  1. Oooh, oouuch. The best last words to throw in the mother’s face. I still wish she would have punched her though.

    (No I am not a violent person when it comes to temper or revenge, why do you ask? 😉 LOL)

  2. Kaboom ! Finally some emotions. Well done, and yes, I can understand her feelings that she doesn’t want to return. Great snippet!

  3. I wonder how this didn’t turn physical, but I like how she walks out, great move.

  4. Good for Taliya!

    If her mother assumed this move would give her control over her daughter, she was sadly mistaken.

  5. Yeah really, I certainly wouldn’t be returning to this place either!

  6. It’s amusing that Maureena hasn’t considered that her daughter might not WANT to return. Go Taliya!

  7. siobhanmuir

    I agree with her. Mom played her last hand. Great snippet, P.T. 🙂

  8. elainecsc2013

    That’s what I’d call a killer exit line.

  9. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Oh snap!! I hope she keeps walking. Great snippet!

  10. That’s a good question she ended with. Should give the uncaring bitch something to think about…

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