Sunday Snippet May 17, 2015

Posting a few excerpts from a rough draft of a science fiction novel called The Onyx Sun. I’ve been ignoring it for a while, but since I don’t hate it anymore I’m starting editing it this month.

Keep in mind this is a very rough draft of something that I hadn’t even looked at for several months.  Also, the snippet has has probably been a victim of creative editing.


Taliya Swann has been away from home negotiating a mining contract on another planet.  When she called to advise her mother (head of House/Company) that they had a contract, Maureena informed her that her grandmother had died the day before.  All that was left to look forward to was being reunited with her lover, Luzita.

Returning home, she found out that her grandmother’s funeral had been held the day she died.  Shortly after that she learned that Maureena had sold her lover into slavery (to an off world slaver) because Luzita couldn’t afford to pay for her upkeep.  She brushed off Taliya’s outrage by saying she would find someone else, someone more suitable.  Taliya demanded to know when Luzita had been sold.


“The day your grandmother died.  I called the slavers’ consortium as soon as the death certificate was signed.”  She smirked.  “Of course, I did ask her about payment first, but when she verified that she couldn’t I made the call.”

“Why didn’t you tell me you wanted money?  I would have paid it.”

Maureena shrugged. “I didn’t know if the contract had been reached or not.  I didn’t want to disturb you during negotiations.”

“So if it hadn’t been, if I hadn’t called to tell you we had a contract, you wouldn’t have told me about Grandmother?”

“Of course not. I needed you to focus on your work.”

Taliya stared at her as a realization sank in.  “That’s why you wouldn’t let me take Luzita with me – you had this planned all along.”

Maureena shrugged.






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Filed under writing

14 responses to “Sunday Snippet May 17, 2015

  1. OUCH! Ooooh, talk about a slap to the face or a sucker punch to the gut. Poor Taliya. Please let me punch Maureena in the face now. I officially hate her. Really, really, really hate her.

  2. Arrrghhh …. THAT mother ….

  3. I want her dead–no, I want her bankrupted and sold into penniless slavery. Pretty please, Paula?

  4. Is Maureena a robot? Did she kill the grand-mother? Because at this rate she might as well have done it.

  5. I thought the mother in my novel HIM, got my ire, her mother just pisses me off more and more each snippet. Great snippet. 🙂

  6. siobhanmuir

    Great snippet. That woman is diabolical. Why did she even bother to reproduce? Well done, P.T.

  7. Like Sarah W. said, Maureena needs to be bankrupted and left live in poverty (possibly slavery) for the rest of her life. What a wench! Poor Taliya…

  8. God her mom is so cold. GRR. Is it horrible that I want to slap her mom lol.

  9. mikeakin1

    Seems like there are a lot of evil mothers out in fictions writers land. I wonder why that is? 🙂 Great snippet!!

  10. elainecsc2013

    I hope Mommy Dearest gets what she deserves.

  11. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Wow, she’s something else. Tell me does her mother eat little children for breakfast? lol

  12. Ooh, Maureena is nasty all right! Can’t wait to see what happens next.

  13. Every week I think I’ve seen the worst of Maureena, then she goes one worse than that. This is a well-crafted character and your other character’s interactions with here are dead on.

  14. chellecordero

    Did Maureena off the grandma? Hope she gets her comeuppance soon. You have done a wonderful job of getting us emotionally enraged.

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