Posting a few excerpts from a rough draft of a science fiction novel called The Onyx Sun. I’ve been ignoring it for a while, but since I don’t hate it anymore I’m starting editing it this month.
Keep in mind this is a very rough draft of something that I hadn’t even looked at for several months. Also, the snippet has has probably been a victim of creative editing.
Summary:
Taliya Swann has been away from home negotiating a mining contract on another planet. When she called to advise her mother (head of House/Company) that they had a contract, Maureena informed her that her grandmother had died the day before. All that was left to look forward to was being reunited with her lover, Luzita.
Returning home, she was met by Regino, the butler, who told her that her grandmother’s funeral had been held the day she died. Shortly after that she learned that Maureena had sold her lover into slavery.
“You sold her?” Taliya was certain that she was hearing things.
“She could not pay for her back room and board or even for her current upkeep so I sold her to a slaver to recoup my losses.”
“She didn’t have to pay room and board. Grandmother–“
“Your grandmother is dead.” Maureena’s voice was cold. “This house now operates under my rules.” Maureena’s smile was colder than her voice. “And under my rules, everyone pulls their own weight. I don’t believe in charity.”
“You sold her…” Disbelief still softened Taliya’s voice. “You sold the person I love…”
“You’ll find another, someone more suitable.”
Maureena is all about the money…
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Novel Notes 
Did it just get frosty here ?? Oh my that mother is nasty and a half …. great snippet Paula.
Thanks!
Oh that *trails off into swear words*!! I feel like I really want to punch Maureena, My mind is literally going “let me at her! Let me at her!”
Great snippet, but someone better punch the mother soon. ;p
LOL Getting a bit violent there, Daelyn?
Errr…. No? LOL
Under her rules… ugh, no one is oging to be safe or happy under Maureena’s rules.
Nope. They certainly won’t be.
Oh my… Can I slap her? Is it allowed to have reader intervention in the book?
Like “And the reader entered the room and slapped Maureena before leaving without saying a word, then the characters a bit shaken by the sudden apparition and disappearance but believing it to be a dream went back to their normal activities.”
That would work right?
LOL, between you and Daelyn I think Maureena needs to file for a PFA from my readers!
Wow, what a b*#$ch. Your antagonist is extremely hateable…Well done!
Thank you! I am absolutely loving everyone hating her.
If that doesn’t come back to bite Maureena in the rear, Paula–with very sharp teeth–then I’m going to be terribly disappointed.
(When you can bring a group of writers to barely-coherent rage, you’ve got yourself a winner! :D )
Thanks, Sarah. She does get bitten — just not by this.
Her mother is so mean. She may be all about the money, but she knew her daughter loved Luzita. She purposely went out of her way to hurt Taliya. Why does she hate her so much?
I’m not so sure that Maureena hates her, exactly. Maureena just doesn’t form emotional attachments so she thinks her daughter shouldn’t either. I think, in her own misguided way, Maureena thinks she is toughening Taliya up so that she can be head of the House someday.
Man her mother is so cold and heartless. Poor women being sold, I hope she can find her and somehow bring her back.
Thanks. She will be looking for her…
Yeah, this is where I’d turn on my heel and head out the door. Great snippet, P.T. :)
Thanks, Siobhan. We’ll find out how Taliya handles it next week.
Boooo. I think it’s time for Mom to have an accident… or Taliya to get cracking on that rescue operation!
Nice one, PT! :)
Thanks, Charley! *adds you to Maureena’s PFA order* LOL
That woman is nasty!
Yes, she is.
She needs to do something about her mother. I’m all for matricide in this case. ;)
And another one for the PFA order!
Would you consider adding a lightning bolt to that scene? I’d be willing to let that Deus Ex Machina slip if it gets rid of that nasty human being.
Maureena isn’t getting any more loveable as this story goes on, is she? Wow. Can’t wait for the karma train to pull up to the station.