Facing Failure

I am 9000 words behind where I should be – 11,000 by the time midnight hits, as I doubt I’ll get a thousand words written before I have to go to work today.   And even though I am off the next three days, I am beginning to doubt my ability to reach my goal, which means that for the first time since I started I may not “win” a NaNoWriMo event.

Oh, sure, nothing bad is going to happen if I don’t win.  The sky isn’t going to fall, no one is going to die, and civilization will not collapse.  I will lose my bragging rights, that’s all.

I’m trying to figure out what is going wrong this month, what has made it different than other NaNoWriMos.

It certainly can’t be worse than the first year of C amp when I did two 50k novels back to back.

And it definitely isn’t as bad as the year that I was working full time, going to school part time (in two different directions) and ML’ing for the first time and still (because I couldn’t decide what to write) wrote two 50k novels in one month.  (And in addition, that November started with a battle between my hot water tank and the carpeted basement floor on the first.)

All I can come up with is a combination of my job (part time but very draining) and the pinched sciatic nerve that made sitting for more than half an hour at a time impossible.  (Not to mention time lost for chiropractor appointments.)  And NaPoWriMo, but I’ve done Camp and the poetry challenge before and won.  (I’ve done two Camps and a November with this job, too.)

Burning out?  Maybe.  The 1K-a-Day challenge is starting to wear on me a bit (although it should seem like a downhill ride after this month) and I really want to start editing.

All I know for sure is I’ll be 11k behind by midnight, and staring at the possibility of defeat.

And, like the writer that I am, I am filing away how that feels for future use.

And like the writer that I am, I am not going to quit trying until midnight on the 30th.

 

 

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