Posting a few excerpts from a UFO (UnFinished Object) that is in my “Novels I’m Ignoring” file. It’s a rough draft of a science fiction novel called The Onyx Sun and I just reread it and I don’t hate it anymore so it might get edited and finished someday. Keep in mind this is a very rough draft of something that I haven’t even looked at since last August or so and which has probably been a victim of creative editing.
Summary:
Taliya Swann has been away from home negotiating a mining contract on another planet. When she called to advise her mother (head of House/Company) that they had a contract, Maureena informed her that her grandmother had died the day before. All that was left to look forward to was being reunited with her lover, Luzita.
Returning home, she was met by Regino, the butler, who told her that her grandmother’s funeral had been held the day she died. She had just asked where Luzita was when her mother entered and dismissed Regino.
“I would have liked to have gone to the funeral.”
Maureena shrugged. “There wasn’t one. I felt that the expense was unnecessary and had her body sent straight to the crematorium. By the way, you are needed at Aelind’s office at precisely 9:00 tomorrow morning to be given your inheritance.”
Taliya struggled to maintain composure: her mother’s uncaring attitude was already beginning to punch holes in her emotional armor, and coupled with grief over her grandmother’s death and Regino’s hesitancy to answer her questions Taliya was on the verge of losing control.
She nodded: she would not break down in front of Maureena. She would not give her the pleasure of her tears, would not even draw the deep breath that her lungs were screaming for.
“And Luzita?” she asked.
“Gone.”
“Gone? Gone where?”
“I don’t know. I sold her.”
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Novel Notes 
What? She sold a “human being”, a dog, a cat? Oh my god what the hell did she do? Many it’s not in the emotional armor that punches need to make holes.
Luzita is human. She is (was) Taliya’s lover.
Arrrgghhh …. I feel like punching the mother …. interested to find out who/what luzita is … great post today!
Luzita is/was Taliya’s lover that she was looking forward to being reunited with.
Oh well she’s a nice piece of work. (Can you hear the heavy sarcasm in that sentence?) Who did she sell and what happened to her!?!! Crap, if I was Taliya I would have punched her by now. Good thing I’m not a character.
LOL @ “Good thing I’m not a character.” Be careful or you might be!
Luzita turns up later. Unfortunately.
In the blurb you use the words “her lover, Luzita” so I imagine L was a servant/slave. Her mother is downright chilling and despicable. Great snippet.
Well, she’s a slave now…
Oh, Maureena, that was a dumb move if you wanted to keep your privileged little status quo and control over your daughter. You’ve just created a hero. :)
Dibs on beta right now, Paula! I’ll wait. :D
Thanks, Sarah! I’m planning to start the editing this month.
This would have been where I said, “I’ll be there.” And walked out to find better accommodations. Because other wise I would have shot her. Great snippet, Paula.
Thanks, Siobhan. And Taliya’s about to leave — although escaping her mother’s reach might be a bit more difficult than she anticipates.
That mother of hers needs a good slap. I don’t know if I would be able to hold my composer around that woman.
Taliya has had a lifetime of practice at maintaining her composure around her mother.
And the punches just keep coming. I want to know who Luzita is.
Luzita turns up later in the book.
You’re right. Maureena is pretty hate-able. Nicely done.
Thanks! :)
With a mother like this, you really don’t need enemies.
LOL!
Argh… evil woman. You managed to make us hate her. One thing to consider in revisions, you may want to get rid of some of her evil doings or give a good logical motivation for her actions (which you may have already done outside of the snippet). By now, I’m starting to feel like you’ve emphasized that she does the evilest things because she’s evil, and that makes her a bit flat (which, again, could be a misrepresentation due to the snippet limits). Just my two cents! I do enjoy this set-up for the story.
Thanks. Maureena does have reasons and they get explained later when we learn more of her background.
I have the tar heating and the feathers ready. Anyone want to join me for a walk with Maureena?
LOL!
*note to self: never piss off Gem*