Sunday Snippet April 19, 2015

Posting a few excerpts from a UFO (UnFinished Object) that is in my “Novels I’m Ignoring” file.  It’s a rough draft of a science fiction novel called The Onyx Sun and I just reread it and I don’t hate it anymore so it might get edited and finished someday.  Keep in mind this is a very rough draft of something that I haven’t even looked at since last August or so and which has probably been a victim of creative editing.

Taliya Swann has been away from home negotiating a mining contract on another planet.  When she called to advise her mother (head of House/Company) that they had a contract, Maureena informed her that her grandmother had died the day before.  All that was left to look forward to was being reunited with her lover, Luzita.

Returning home, she was met by Regino, the butler, who told her that her grandmother’s funeral had been held the day she died.


“The day–” Taliya’s mind froze, replaying the conversation with Maureena:  Your grandmother died yesterday.  “She… She didn’t even tell me until the next day.”

“I am sorry, Miss Taliya, truly I am.”

“I know, Regino, but it’s not your fault.”  She took a deep breath and let her gaze travel the room, searching the doorways.  “Where is Luzita?”

Before he could answer Maureena entered from her private office.  “That will be all, Regino,” she said, her voice as cold as the clacking sound of her dress shoes as she crossed the marble floor.

The man bowed and left them, but not without casting a sympathetic look to Taliya.

Taliya watched him go and then turned to her mother, her face a well-practiced mask:  Maureena did not approve of any sort of emotional display.






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Filed under writing

23 responses to “Sunday Snippet April 19, 2015

  1. Can’t wait to read their conversation … great snippet!

  2. Karen Michelle Nutt

    I could hear those dress-shoes. I can’t wait for the conversation they’re going to have.

  3. What a delightful woman, Maureena. You know, it isn’t really a family reunion until someone brings the ice.

    (keep this one, Paula, I like it!)

    • Maureena doesn’t bring the ice — she is the ice.

      And I’m going to keep it. It isn’t as bad as I remember it being so I think I might even start editing next month.

  4. I feel for Taliya. This snippet was full of emotion. Great job.

  5. siobhanmuir

    Heh, she’s liable to get an emotional display whether she likes it or not. Great snippet, P.T. :)

  6. chellecordero

    Such a cold and frosty scene, just like Maureena apparently likes it. Very well done.

  7. Harsh. Poor thing. :) I like the synopsis and the this snippet. I think you might give it a second chance, but don’t force things. If you aren’t feeling it, let it go back in the folder for a while or pass it along for some else to read. I find that if others are excited about one of my projects, my excitement is reignited. :)

  8. elainecsc2013

    Owww, she’s a chilly one.

  9. You do a great job of making hate that woman. I’m curious to see how Taliya will deal with her. Looking forward to a snippet featuring their interaction.

  10. mikeakin1

    I really like the description you use for the clacking shoes. Cold sound…very unique.

  11. Terrific sensory imagery, specifically the sound of those shoes on the floor. This should make for an interesting encounter.

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