Sunday Snippet April 5, 2015

Posting a few excerpts from a UFO (UnFinished Object) that is in my “Novels I’m Ignoring” file.  It’s a rough draft of a science fiction novel called The Onyx Sun and I just reread it and I don’t hate it anymore so it might get edited and finished someday.

Keep in mind this is a very rough draft of something that I haven’t even looked at since last August or so.


Taliya Swan did not bother to look up when the automated voice announced that Pendelia Four was now on the view screen.  She was dreading her return to her home world: the only bright spot of the journey was that she would soon be reunited with her lover.

But even that could not erase the conversation she had had with her mother.

“We’ve reached an agreement on the contract,” she had told her.

“Good. When are you planning to return?”

“I’ll be leaving here in the morning, as soon as the freighters have set down so I have a clear flight path.”

“Very well.  Don’t dawdle – I have another assignment for you.  Oh, and your grandmother died yesterday.”

Her mother’s clipped formal tones had relayed the information with no more emotion than if she had been reporting the figures of the latest quarterly report — less than that, Taliya thought: the quarterly reports involved wealth and Maureena cared about wealth.





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Filed under writing

13 responses to “Sunday Snippet April 5, 2015

  1. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Do you feel the breeze? lol Her mother is a little cold-hearted, isn’t she? I’m intrigued to know more. 🙂 Dusting off an old ‘UFO’ is always an adventure. Good luck. 🙂

  2. Nice introduction to the two characters … and isn’t the mum a half, cold like our fridge it seems 🙂

  3. siobhanmuir

    Happy family indeed. Great snippet, P.T.

  4. Well her mother seems like a peach…lol. Great snippet.

  5. That’s a cold woman! Nice characterization.

  6. I like it. It’s a reminder that no matter how far out one goes, even if it involves another planet, there are certain realities that always apply… such as mothers.

  7. I really like the opening sentence, and you’ve managed to pack a lot of information in a short snippet. I feel like I have a good sense of both characters and their tension which makes me care about Taliya right off the bat.

  8. Great snippet! I agree with other comments, there’s a lot of information here even though it’s short. Well done for a UFO that hasn’t been touched. Love that!

  9. That was a tiny bit untactful from her mother. Now is to see what she is going to do with the information.

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