Sunday Snippet January 11, 2015

This is an excerpt of a work in progress that doesn’t have a real title yet. (The Word doc is called “T&A” for Ta’elsin and Arrek, the main characters, but I gave it a working title of Betrayal for NaNoWriMo and Wattpad purposes.)  This is a very rough first draft and may or may not have been creatively edited to fit the 10 sentence limit.

Skipping ahead a few lines from last week. Berrebren is the first speaker, asking Ta’elsin about the temple.

 

“What were they going to do to you there?”

“They… they were going to burn my eyes out.”  He was shaking and had to force himself to continue as the images flooded back to him.  “I – I remember the hot poker coming toward me and then Sagyl was there and… and he took me away.”  Somehow Ta’elsin could not bring himself to mention the other boy, the one who had helped him escape: that memory he held to himself, too precious to be exposed to Berrebren’s scorn.

Berrebren nodded.  “That explains why you were so scared when you saw the place, then.”  He glanced ahead of them to the castle doors.  “Come on.  I’ll probably be tied up in meetings all day but I’m sure they will make sure you are comfortable.”

 

(The prologue is available on Wattpad if you’d like some background information.)

 

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22 Comments

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22 responses to “Sunday Snippet January 11, 2015

  1. Okay, so he’s not a total jerk—but he must have been busy when they were handing out empathy. 😀

    Can I call dibs on beta for this, yet, Paula? 🙂

    • LOL Sure, Sarah! It will be a while though — this is the first of a trilogy and I won’t send anything to a beta until the whole thing has been edited for consistency. (I’m making good progress on book two, though.)

      And don’t be giving Berrebren too much credit just yet…

  2. siobhanmuir

    Hard to face and share for him. You might want to rewrite this line: “but I’m sure they will make sure you are comfortable.” to avoid repeating “sure”. Good snippet, P.T.

  3. Yikes. Going with him is better than getting one’s eyes burned out… isn’t it?

  4. Gem

    Yikes, I wouldn’t want to go into any place alone or with someone where they’d once tried to burn my eyes at.

    • Ta’elsin hadn’t been at the temple by choice. Superstitious villagers had taken him there because he was “demon spawn.” (He has heterochromatic eyes — one is blue and one is aqua — it’s a sign of wizardry.)

  5. Karen Michelle Nutt

    Wow, what a place. I wouldn’t want to return there either. Great snippet.

  6. elainecsc2013

    I’d head for the hills. This place may still not be safe.

  7. I’d stay as far away as possible from that place, too! I might’ve missed something but why wouldn’t he mention ‘the other boy’ ?

    • The other boy (Arrek) rescued him from the temple. He showed Ta’elsin the first kindness and gentleness he had ever known and the memory is “too precious to be exposed to Berrebren’s scorn.” Berrebren would mock him for it and he won’t expose himself to that.

  8. HMMMM…not sue about him, great snippet. Can’t wait to find out more.

  9. Holding something back really shows his defensive nature. Interesting dynamics between these two.

  10. Not a complete jerk, but I’m not sure if I’d be ready to skip into that place yet. Comfortable, sure. Great snippet, can’t wait for more.

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