Sunday Snippet December 21, 2014

This is an excerpt from this year’s NaNoWriMo novel, which is still a WiP and which doesn’t have a real title yet. (The Word doc is called “T&A” for Ta’elsin and Arrek, the main characters, but I gave it a working title of Betrayal for NaNo and Wattpad purposes.)

This excerpt skips ahead a few lines from last week.   Ta’elsin and Berrebren have taken rooms for the night and will go to the castle in the morning.

(This is a very rough first draft and may or may not have been creatively edited to fit the 10 sentence limit.)


The bed was comfortable, but despite the welcome change from sleeping on the ground Ta’elsin spent a restless night, plagued by dreams and fears that he thought he had left behind him.  At last he got up and searched his backpack until he found an old blanket:  wrapping it around his shoulders he laid down again, clutching it around him as he drifted off to sleep.

As they left the building the next morning Ta’elsin glanced back at it and felt a shiver run through him, images of being grabbed and bound flashing through his mind.  He pushed them aside and focused on staying with Berrebren, determined not to be caught lagging today.

His determination fled when they reached a white marble building.  A wide paved plaza in front of it led to a raised portico, tall columns supporting a roof tiled with blue slate. Staring at it he suddenly couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move.  Terror stronger than anything he had ever known gripped him and for a moment he thought he was going to pass out but then Berrebren was shaking him and he pulled himself back from the brink.


(The prologue is available on Wattpad if you’d like some background information.)


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Filed under writing

21 responses to “Sunday Snippet December 21, 2014

  1. Love the descriptions … interesting story.

  2. Great story and snippet… Can’t wait to see what happens next!

  3. Intense scene. Great snippet this week.

  4. Something horrible must have happened to Ta’elsin there. I could feel his apprehension and then the paralyzing fear.

  5. siobhanmuir

    Nicely done, P.T. I like the allusions to PTSD. :)

  6. So far, so good — I need to know what happens next, and why he’s so afraid of the white marble building. :)

  7. Sounds like a PTSD panic attack to me. Whew!

    You’re almost too good at torturing your characters, Paula—but you’re outstanding at making us want to help them, so it all evens out! :D

  8. elainecsc2013

    Some repressed memories seem to be surfacing. He’s been here before. Maybe his mentor is about to betray him. Merry Christmas, Hope Santa is good to you.

  9. You keep giving us little teasers, I’m dying to know what happened to poor Ta’elsin! great snippet!

  10. Nice way to invoke the image & feel of night shivers & all of those unseen fears…

  11. Not a nice place to be. I wonder why he is really going back and if there is not a way around it.

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