This is an excerpt from this year’s NaNoWriMo novel, which is still a WiP. It doesn’t have a real title yet (the Word doc is called “T&A” for Ta’elsin and Arrek, the main characters) but I gave it a working title of Betrayal for NaNo and Wattpad purposes. This is from the beginning of Chapter One. (The prologue is available on Wattpad if you’d like some background information.)
(This is a very rough first draft and may or may not have been creatively edited to fit the 10 sentence limit.)
Ta’elsin stopped as they drew near the walls of the city: for some reason that he didn’t quite understand he found it hard to breathe as he stared at the huge stone walls.
“Well, come on,” his mentor said impatiently. “Don’t stand there staring like some sort of rube who’s never seen a city before.”
“Yes, Berrebren.”
Swallowing the nameless fear that sucked the air from his lungs he forced himself to continue. Berrebren was not the most patient of men and he swallowed the ache that came as he remembered Sagyl, the wizard who had begun his training.
Sagyl had been warm and kind and loving, and Ta’elsin had felt safe with him and had thrived under his gentle tutelage, but he had grown ill and had been unable to continue teaching him. Ta’elsin had stayed with him until he yielded to death, then had followed his instructions and had gone to Berrebren’s tower, bearing a letter of introduction.
Berrebren had been expecting him, but even so the welcome was not a warm one. He made it clear from the start that Ta’elsin was only there because he owed a debt to Sagyl and in the last two years he had never wavered from his original stance that Ta’elsin was a nuisance and an unwelcome intruder and Ta’elsin had spent every minute of the time missing Sagyl.
Also!
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I like your main character and the peek at his first mentor. (P.S. I loved Sanguine. Will get a review up soon.)
Glad you like the snippet and thrilled that you loved Sanguine. Thank you!
Oh, poor Ta’elsin. i hope his sense of dread wasn’t foreshadowing—but it probably was. You’ve hooked me again, Paula!
Sanguine sale!? I’ll tell everyone I know! 🙂
Thanks, Sarah! And, nope — not foreshadowing (The prologue has a lot of back story.) Glad to know I’ve hooked you, though.
His first mentor had been good and showed compassion as he trained, but he told Ta’elsin to go to Berrebren when he knew he would die. Wouldn’t he do so because he trusted Berrebren to continue the mentoring as he would have done? Why would he trust him otherwise? Oh, I do have questions. lol Great snippet!
Sagyl, his first mentor, hadn’t realized what a power-hungry self-centered *censored* Berrebren had become.
I love your names, they are so exotic! do you search them or make them up? Great snippet, love the bit of a flashback to explain his emotions.
Most of my names are invented, or modified by rearranging other names. (When I started this I was having some trouble with some people at work. Most of the bad guys have names modified from theirs. LOL)
LOL about the names. Great snippet–I like the comparison of the mentors.
Great Snippet.
Thanks!
Nice foreshadowing, and a good contrast between the two mentors.
Thank you. And yes, the two mentors are very different.
Love it, great snippet.
Thank you! Glad you liked it.
Loved the snippet. Enough to get the reader hooked w/out telling too much.
Thank you! Glad to know it’s getting people hooked.