Sunday Excerpt — November 24, 2013

More from Sanguine, a science fiction novel (still in progress) with elements of semi-paranormal M/M romance.

(This is still a work in progress and the following lines have been hacked and recombined and creatively punctuated to fit into 10 sentences.)

Picking up from last week, Kaen has accepted Gregor’s offer of blood and fed from him, and Gregor’s last sensation was that of falling into an endless blackness.


Gregor woke in a bed in a strange room.  He was cold… so cold.  He tried to sit up but could only stir weakly.

“Lie still.” 

The voice was warm and full of concern and he turned his head and closed his eyes as the room spun around him.  Cautiously opening them again he found a pair of dark blue eyes gazing into his own. “Captain?”  he whispered.

Kaen put a gentle hand on his head and Gregor felt himself relaxing, cares slipping away.  “I am sorry,” Kaen said softly.  “So sorry.”  He stroked the blond hair, savoring the silky feel of it.  “I lost control.  I drank too much.”  He bowed his head. “I nearly killed you.”


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Filed under writing

12 responses to “Sunday Excerpt — November 24, 2013

  1. l didn’t notice the head hopping. l can feel Gregor’s tension and the fact that he’s cold…great job!

  2. I spotted the head hop, but I like knowing that Kaen enjoys the feel of Gregor’s hair—could you have Gregor notice his enjoyment, instead?

    I’m really enjoying this!

    • I’m glad you’re enjoying it. I’m not quite sure how I’m going to fix the head hop… Since this is a first draft there are a couple other things that will be changing as well so it might be a moot point by then.

  3. I didn’t notice the head hopping either so maybe it’s okay to leave it in.

    • I didn’t notice the first 20 or so times I’ve read over this but you know as soon as something posts all the flaws are in flashing neon lights, at least to the author. (Murphy’s Law for Writers…)

  4. I didn’t even notice the head hop. It was smooth and didn’t distract me. Enjoyed the snippet. :)

  5. historysleuth1

    That was touching considering he’s a vampire. I feel a connection growing between the two.

    The head hop is slight, it didn’t upset the flow for me. I knew what was going on. Tweak a couple words and it will be fine. :)
    History Sleuth’s Milk Carton Murders

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